This Survial Letter from Spike Gunderson is included in each 84 Minute Survival Kit.
Spike Gunderson here and if you reading my note than the SHTF or Shit Hit The Fan. The potential causes for TEOTWAWKI (the end of the world as we know it) are numerous. Maybe it was: Peak Oil, Nuclear Attack, Devastating Solar Flare, Dollar Collapse, Alien invasion, EMP Pulse, Asteroid Impact, Zombie infestation, Volcanic Catastrophe, 2012 Mayan Calendar Prophecy or perhaps the absolute worst case End of the World Scenario— Al Gore got elected President of United States. But since I’m sure there is no means of communication you’ll probably never know what particular Armageddon scenario has screwed us.
But that is not important now what is important is Thank God either you or someone who loves you had enough foresight to buy my 84 minute Survival Kit. The good news is that you now have everything you could possible need to make the next 84 minutes reasonably enjoyable.
The bad news is—YOUR SCREWED after that!
But I would like to personally thank all you morons who bought this basically worthless survival kit. Because of your generosity I am now enjoying myself in my 25,000 square foot underground chalet in the Swiss Alps. By the way, Heidi who is sipping on a glass of chilled Champagne sends her love.
Well, I got to go my 17 year old Asian masseuse is calling. OK mate, make yourself a drink, light up a smoke and enjoy the next 84 minutes. Then kiss your ass goodbye.